Remember the first time you clicked on a link that brought you to a lesbian dating site. Let me back track this week and remind you of the time when you lost your virginity to lesbian online dating. How did that feel? Exhilarating? Scary? Did you feel full of hope and excitement? Maybe it felt like you were being a bit bad? Or maybe it felt like you were being really naughty and that was a turn on? Maybe it felt like you’d found freedom finally to express your gay girl self. Or perhaps you felt like you could be out of the closet here and that felt liberating because in other parts of your life, you are in the closet for many different reasons.
This post is not to argue with lesbians and gay girls about being in or out of the closet. It is to remind each of you about the value of feeling deeply and enjoying the moment, especially those moments when we step out of our self imposed boxes to do something that feels so very different from the norm. I remember the first time I signed into an online lesbian dating site and posted a profile. My insides were jumping around like a jackhammer. I had an odd mix of feeling like I was going to get in trouble to feeling like I could finally express myself as a lesbian
It was so much fun to browse profiles of other lesbians and look at however many I wanted. Look at gay women from all over the USA and elsewhere. I could read their profiles and wonder about them. I could stare at their pictures, stare at a woman’s face and imagine all kinds of things about her.
Those first liberating moments and steps into lesbian dating sites should be remembered because we all entered that world with the hope of finding true love. Well, ok, not everyone is out there for true love. Some women are out there for reasons that range from having one night stands to having an affair or finding a woman who will do a threesome with a guy included. Right, we’ve all seen those ones.
The freedom to both express and explore our sexuality is a joyful experience. The lesbian online dating scene gives us a small window whereby we can live that out. It’s especially big for a woman that has recently come out or broken up after a long-term relationship and is re-entering the dating world. We all go online these days.
Now the realities of the online dating world aren’t much fun but we have to come to terms with them. Things like realizing that many women you find attractive and interesting won’t be interested in you. Ugh! You’ll send winks and not get a response. You’ll send emails and not get responses. You’ll get a response and then suddenly she will disappear. You’ll get a wink, decide not to respond and feel guilty. You’ll be trying to figure out how to say to another woman that you are not interested in seeing her and before you can send that note, she’ll send a note going off on you for not writing sooner or for saying “no thanks but good luck.” Or perhaps you’re the one not writing back because its all a bit too overwhelming at times. If you’ve been on a lesbian dating site, you’ve had these experiences.
Looking for a relationship not a paid position!
I’ve had all of these experiences and even more. And yes, I’ve had some really bizarre things happen to me. Ok, so I’ll share the story of the first person that I ever corresponded with on a website that no longer exists. This site allowed you to chose why you were on the site: 1) sex, 2) relationship and 3) friends. I chose #2. The first person to contact me was a woman from New York City. I wasn’t really sure what to do or what to say, but I found the picture attached to her profile to be very attractive – was it really her? I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. She wanted to know immediately if I would consider traveling to New York City. I told her I traveled often for work but didn’t get to NYC often. She proceeded to tell me that she had many lesbian friends in NYC that would be interested in meeting me. I thought that was nice and I had no idea how to respond. After just a couple of emails, she wanted to chat with me. This site provided a way to connect by phone without giving your actual phone number. Pretty cool way back then. The phone call happened on a Saturday morning. This woman proceeded to tell me that she worked for an exclusive women’s club. The members were very wealthy women from the NYC area and she thought the members would be very interested in me and I would be paid well for my services.
Are you following this! I was so totally confused and caught off guard that my heart was beating out of my chest. I interrupted her speech about this very exclusive club and its members to say – NO THANKS! I had absolutely no interest in this group or their money. I was looking for a relationship not a paid position. Yikes. The initial joy I had in finding this website shrank considerably. (YES, this really happened!!!)
Not being a quitter, I kept at it and had a few more very interesting experiences. The experiences I had are not uncommon for women who stuck their toes into online dating in the early years of this industry. And still there are liars, posers and cheats out on the sites. So we must scout, screen, and sort carefully.
Ultimately, I met a very special woman through an online dating site 9 years ago. I am so fortunate that she is part of my life today; we’ve shared a lot of growth, love and ups and downs over the years.
Ok, so who has a story that can beat my NYC madam? Come on and share with all of us in the comments section below!
Let me get back to the main point here. We are all looking to find the love of our life. We want a great relationship with a great woman. These are all normal and natural feelings that are common to all humans everywhere. Online dating is the online equivalent of being able to walk down the street and hold hands. It is the online equivalent of being able to give your girlfriend or partner a big hug in public and an affectionate kiss and not ever have to worry. It is for many women the closest they will ever get to being out of the closet.
What’s Great About Lesbians and Online Dating…
Here’s my dating tip for this week – It’s great to feel the freedom and joy to express ourselves with and to other gay girls! Let’s not forget this part. The happiness of being fully open in our gay girl dating world is divine. There are still many women who are in the closet in their day to day lives for many reasons and this a place where they can be free. The other really great thing is that 21st century online dating and dating sites have matured in the last 10 years a whole lot. You’ll find far fewer players, pretenders and parasites. You still need to stay on your toes, don’t give away the bank and don’t let your neediness get you in trouble. But there are things to enjoy about online dating if you keep your head screwed on and your heart gently tied down. So enjoy the process…
If you can…wherever you are… go hug a gay girl today! You’ll both feel better.
Xo, Mary
Tell me what you think of this article. Please share your comments further down this page.
Thanks for being here today!
Come on over to my Facebook page right now. I want to see your amazing face and tell me how this article impacted you.
About Mary Malia:
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life, divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from lost and angry teenager to seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Mary is also an entrepreneur, business consultant, dating and relationship coach, speaker, writer, strategist, gay girl community builder, mentor, mom and lover of women of all stripes. She has worked for and consulted with Fortune 500 companies, national non-profits and managed multi-million dollar projects. She has also run multiple small businesses.
As the founder and organizer of lesbian focused community groups in multiple states, with members numbering in the thousands, she brings her unique philosophies to women dating women wherever she can. Her unique focus is as a ”Step by Step You Can Live an Extraordinary Life” Gay Girl Dating Coach because happiness is more than a date!
She is committed to serving the gay girl community anywhere and everywhere it is in order to support women in being their most brilliant selves and creating extraordinary lives. Her focus on authenticity, humor and daring to dream show up in her writing and speaking and in her own life as well. Not only does she teach women how to date 21st century style but she also works with business owners and executives across many industries including marketing, health services, nonprofits, and technology.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC PO Box 10924, Portland, ME 04104 | Office: 207-450-1611| © 2011 Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC
Unauthorized duplication or publication of any materials from this site is expressly prohibited.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
{ 1 trackback }