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Hi Carol,
Well I feel your pain and its not an uncommon reaction. Online dating advertises itself as the big solution to all your dating problems. I love the line that says there are thousands of hot women waiting to meet “me” in my city. Really!!?? Come on now laugh about it. It’s time to shake of the “woe is me” and decide to learn how to have more fun when you approach online dating. I found as I got older, I saw fewer and fewer women online that struck a chord with me, but guess what… I did find women to connect with and to date. It just took a little longer. And not being in a rush to be in a relationship is one of the benefits of being past menopause! I don’t want to date the way I did when I was younger. The thought of it makes me tired! Mature women do want to love and be loved in the best of ways and that takes time and discernment and proper prior preparation!

First – how many women are you looking for? Just one, right? I thought so. That means that all those women in overalls are easy to screen out. One quick look and you’re done. You can then focus on the few women that attract your eye – and you are a designer so I know that’s important. You might only see a handful of women that come close to what you like from the factor of attraction but what are the other “must haves” for a partner for you. I would wager that if you really are clear on your requirements, needs and wants as they relate to a partnered relationship then you’re never going to be dismayed by not seeing a lot of women that fit the profile you’ve developed for Ms. Right. And that’s not a bad thing, cause you’re only looking for ONE woman not a Big Love kind of love. Right? And by being really clear on your requirements, etc. even women that dress the way you prefer won’t all be a great fit. It’s just not possible. See… the good news is that it’s not all bad. It’s like you just had a bad initial reaction, a bee sting and a rash following. That happens to many of us that approach online dating as the magic pill. It’s just one vehicle for meeting the love of your life and not the best one at that. One out of 8 people who married in 2009 met online. So that’s still a pretty small percentage.

Second, if you are looking for a great site for older lesbians, I’m going to point you right back to Match.com as a start. This time when you start your search, you are prepared with the emotionally leveling information of having clear requirements, needs and wants (this is something I help my clients to do) and with the intention of finding the one woman who will be a great match for you. Forget about the rest of them because it takes all kinds of people to make all kinds of people happy. Wish those overall wearing women the same luck you want to have. Bless them and keep scouting, sorting and screening until you find your Ms. Right.

Third and finally, have you considered a matchmaker? I think its wonderful to be able to meet someone who comes with references. Does that should terribly grown up or what? Sometimes this can be a great way to screen and sort individuals. There is Dr. Frankie in the Oakland area ( http://www.littlegaybook.com/ )and Lavendar Liasons (http://www.lavenderliaisons.com/) based in Northern CA but they might have resources.

Carol, I hope this helps. You are obviously a woman with a discerning eye and I want you to be encouraged that that special lady is out there and she’s looking for you too! Please let me know what you decide to do!
hugs to you, Mary

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