Lesbian dating tips should include breaking up tips because unfortunately lesbians do too much breaking up.
If you’re the one doing the breaking up, then you’re in the power position.
You’re probably feeling ok because it’s your idea. Your now “ex” isn’t feeling very good and needs some help on how to get over you.
And that’s who I’m talking to today.
I’m talking to you if you’re the lesbian who has been dumped, left, raked over the coals, doesn’t know what hit you and you are desperately trying to find your emotional balance.
Or maybe, you both agreed it was time to move on. That’s a little easier to take emotionally but it can still mean you’re in for some tough days ahead as you adjust your life to being single again.
Uncoupling can be hard to do.
Can we agree that you are a hurting unit and are looking for relief? Right, I thought so.
Relief takes time and attention. You’re in the habit of being in touch with your ex often during the day. You’re in the habit of seeing her in certain places and certain times of day. You’ve got a habit of thinking about what you’ll do together this weekend. I don’t need to go on do I?
You’ve got a few habits you’ve developed over time. Those habits will take some focus to break. Those habits are also why you feel lonely, hurt and maybe even depressed. It’s not easy to start over but I promise you can get to the other side of this.
So let’s talk about steps you can take to shift your emotional patterns and create some new habits.
First off, it takes on average 21 to 30 days to create a new habit. When you first started dating your ex, she wasn’t a habit. She because a habit over time and with that information you can understand that you can build some new habits about your life again.
Lesbian Dating Tips: 5 Steps to Letting Go and Moving On
Step 1: Cleanse
This means a number of things. You need to remove items that trigger you to think about her. You need to own your space in a new way and that means cleaning out reminders, triggers, music, colors, sheets, clothes, food, and anything else that sets you off on a path to feeling depressed.
Pack up her stuff and return it. Get your stuff back from her.
Clean your place with the intention that you’re scrubbing her presence from your living space. That can be a number of things from moving the position of your bed, to painting rooms to doing a spring cleaning even if its not spring.
If you’ve got all kinds of pictures and mementos of the two of you, pack them up and put them away where you can’t see them. You might just want to go all the way and throw them away now versus waiting till later but I’ll be nice and let you decide.
Step 2: Cut the Cords
This can be a hard one to do but its important. Cut the cord means its time to unfriend and unfollow your ex on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and wherever else you’re connected on the internet. If you’re really serious, then you should actually block her so that you never see anything about her come up on your social feeds.
Along with this, you can clear out old voice mail messages you’ve saved. Clean up your Facebook and Twitter photo albums also.
Stop playing the music you both loved. Get some new tunes gay girl, it’s easy to do.
Stop going to the restaurant that you both loved. Take a break from it for a good long while. Find a new place and call it your new favorite place to hang.
Yes this is more of the clean sweep. You are clearing out places where you are used to connecting to your ex. These cords need to be cut so that you’re emotional energy can start to focus in a new direction.
Focus is energy. When we focus on something or someone that energy grows and takes more and more of our attention. If you’re sweetheart is now your ex, your old pattern of focusing on her isn’t going to help you.
That focus can turn into stalking which is very unattractive and doesn’t bring ex-girlfriends back but can get you in court for a restraining order.
The goal is to understand that you are creating your feelings every day by what you focus on and what you think about. So you have to take some hard action with yourself to shift what you are thinking about.
If you’ve kept every email she ever sent you and every text message, that’s a trove of hurt that needs to go also. Delete, delete, delete and move forward!
Step 3: Unplug from Her Energy
What the heck does this mean? Well it’s a couple of things.
First off, since everything is energy and you’ve been connected to your ex for a period of time there are actual energetic connections between the two of you. These energetic cords need to be unplugged.
It’s a simple process to get unplugged. You can do it a couple of ways.
Take a few minutes to meditate on this. Close your eyes. Imagine seeing yourself standing in front of you, like standing in front of a mirror. Imagine multicolored cords going into your body in different places and these cords are connected to your ex. They may connect into your heart, in your pelvic area, around your head or neck. You’ll see them easily.
When you can see these cords easily, then reach out with your hands an unplug the cords going into your body. You can say the words, “I don’t want this connection anymore. I am severing this connection with my words and my actions because it is an act of loving myself and caring for myself.”
You might want to say this each time you unplug a connection. You can say whatever feels right to you so go for it and be original.
A second way to unplug from your ex’s energy is to take a salt bath. You can use Epson salts or something fancier if you’d like. Fill your tub up, add the bath salts, maybe some lavender oil and swish around. You might want to light a candle or two and play some music that supports you in feeling loving towards yourself.
Now get in that tub and wash yourself all over. Again, imagine seeing the energetic connections to your ex dissolve as you are rinsing yourself in the tub. When you are done washing yourself and seeing the connections dissolve into the water then let the water drain out of the tub. As the water drains, see those connections being washed down the drain never to return.
You have now created another separation from the past and from you ex.
It’s not unusual to have an ex call when you pull the plug. She feels the break and suddenly misses the connection. It doesn’t mean you should take her back, it simply means she felt something change. And something really did change.
Step 4: Get a New Focus
It’s time to reevaluate your goals in life. She’s gone and its time for you to set new goals for yourself. Perhaps you don’t need to set new goals but you need to reaffirm your goals in life.
What does that mean for you?
Where do you want to be in six months or a year down the road.
Yes, it might FEEL impossible to make choices right now but its empowering to make plans and take action on them. Even if all you can imagine today is that you’ll commit to go to the gym tomorrow. Start there.
Perhaps you have some dreams for your life that you put on hold because of your ex. Now is the time to pull them out and decide on taking action now.
Create a vision board to look at every day. Create three or four goal statements that you have posted around your house or apartment to remind you that you are taking action to live and love your life.
Yes you can make a plan and have goals. Even if they are short term, say 3 months or 6 months down the road. Having a reason to get things done that benefit you will make you feel better. It could be as simple as going to the gym 3x a week for the next 3 months. Or how about going to that meetup group that you’ve kept putting off. Now’s the time to make new friends.
Setting a new goal, having a new focus and taking action on it will make you feel better.
Step 5: Keep doing steps 1-4 for as long as you need.
Recovering from a break-up takes time. How much time it takes will depend on the situation and you. But by using steps 1-4 you can gain a lot of good ground quickly. And yes, you can repeat and do over any of these steps as needed.
You might be ready to charge ahead or you might be someone who is really struggling with your break-up.
The most important thing you can do right now is take care of yourself. These 5 Steps are about taking care of you and taking baby steps to get your life on track in a new direction.
Welcome the new.
Be grateful for what was.
Forgive where you need to forgive.
Trust that life isn’t over and good things are coming your way.
Did this post resonate with you? Would you leave a comment below and tell me your insight. Your words just might help a gay girl out of her break-up rut too.
Love and hugs,
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC | PO Box 10924 | Portland, ME 04104 |
| Office: 512-522-7494 |
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