Lesbian Dating Tip – How to Break Up
Can how to “break up” really be a lesbian dating tip? Sure it is because you’re not sure how to break-up are you?
In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had quite a few women asking me how to end a relationship.
As the Gay Girl Dating Coach, my job is to help women find love and lasting relationships, so why would I talk about breaking up?
Because most women who seek out my services have broken up with someone, either recently or a long while ago.
And other women who seek me out, need to be breaking up with someone but are afraid and worried about what to do.
You may be familiar with the experience of not being able to end a relationship.
It shouldn’t be particularly sticky when you haven’t even been dating for very long, say 3 months or 6 months or a couple of weeks and you’re not even living together but even women in a short term relationship can find it hard to call it quits.
Lesbian Dating Tip – Dating Is Not The Same as Being Committed
From the perspective of a dating coach, it takes time to get to really know someone. That’s what “dating” is for. It’s the period of time when you are testing out whether you and “Sami” are a good fit.
Dating is that period of time when you’re checking Sami out and getting to know more and more about who Sami is, what her values are and how she lives her life. Many dating relationships never make it past 3, 6 or 12 months.
I’ve written plenty about lesbian dating tips in the last 18 months.
Dating is about not being committed before you’re sure that gay girl is a good match. Lesbians are often really bad at this. You commit far too soon and then discover that Ms. Right definitely isn’t Ms. Right For You.
Dating, which involves spending time together but keeping your worlds separate makes breaking up much easier. It’s true even if you don’t believe it.
In the lesbian world, many women end up in a mini-marriage within a few weeks of dating. That’s driven by blind lust, the end of loneliness and a fantasy that this woman is perfect.
Then you discover that you and she should be living on different sides of the planet. You’re values are a total clash. She loves meat and you are a card-carrying member of PETA, a Vegan and volunteer for Save the Baby Calfs.org. You’ve realized as the initial lust has calmed down that you actually can’t stand the idea of kissing her meat stained lips.
Can you say break-up in the making? Exactly.
How Do You Go About Breaking Up In A Civilized Manner?
- Are you certain this is the right action? Yes, you want to be certain. One reason breaking up gets a bit crazy is because you change your mind a day, week or month later. That makes you and her crazy. Don’t take this step unless you are sure. And if you are sure, get it over with sooner than later.
- Practice what you want to say. Get some feedback from a good, solid friend. Say it out loud a few times. Stand in the mirror and say it. Practice saying it a few different ways until you’re clear about what you want to say.
- Set a time to talk in a private place. Please, please, please don’t break up in a public place or using text or email or a voicemail. If you’re relationship is mostly long-distance then perhaps a phone call is appropriate. Otherwise, give that lesbian the respect of breaking up with her in person.
- Get to the point. Don’t run around the barn for an hour and then tell her. Take ownership by getting to the point that you are breaking up with her. Say something like, “I’ve been thinking about us, and I’ve come to the decision that this relationship isn’t going to work for me. I feel it’s best if we break up now.”
- Be kind. Don’t make it about her, even if she takes it there. You are breaking up because it’s not a fit for you. Use “I” words, not “You” words.
- Be clear. Be sure to say, “I’m breaking up with you.” It’s important that you are clear about this. So use those words.
- Don’t negotiate. This is when the gay girl you’re breaking up with may want to negotiate. She’ll offer to change something, be something, do something different. This is when #1 is important. You are certain this relationship isn’t right for you. Hold your ground. Be kind but hold your ground.
- Now hold your ground. You may want to set a boundary for no contact. No emails, no texting, no phone calls. You probably should un-friend and un-follow her. Clear the deck of all the places technology has connected the two of you.
Too many lesbians break up but then continue to have ongoing contact. You take her calls, you respond to emails, you’re still connected on Facebook. Stop that please. That’s not a break-up. That’s a stalling tactic and a form of mini-break-up.
Too many gay girls do a mini-break-up. They say it’s a break-up but really they are just being apart for a few days, then they are back together. And it becomes a cycle.
This happens because the one breaking-up really isn’t convinced she’s right and that it’s the best decision. Plus every time you connect in some fashion you recharge your connection to each other. You keep throwing gas on a fire you said you wanted to put out.
Break Up Already!
Stop confusing her and yourself. Break up already!
Being certain is important. It’s will fuel your will-power to hold your ground when your ex comes calling hoping to win your heart back. It’s the fuel to hold your ground when you’re feeling lonely and forget the reasons you broke up with her in the first place.
So start with item #1 – be certain. Got it?
The most important next step is to be clear about your break up boundaries. No contact is best. Make a plan to get back anything she has of yours and to give her the pretties she’s left in your place.
Leave me a comment. I want to know if you found it hard to break-up and why.
Next I’ll write about how to get over a relationship. Yes, there are definite steps you can take to ease the pain of a break-up. Stay tuned!
Love and hugs,
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC | PO Box 10924 | Portland, ME 04104 |
| Office: 512-522-7494 |
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