“You are so brave to walk up to me and say hello.” I hadn’t been thinking bravery was required to ask a lesbian out but two women said this to me at Provincetown this week. It was a surprising comment to me. How else to you get to the place of asking a lesbian out.
You can be brave too, because to get to a date, you have to ask a lesbian out.
Yes, I want to have a great relationship. Making that happen takes a commitment to the process of dating. To get to a date, you have to ask a lesbian out. Right, I know you know this but do you do it?
We all know women that are attracted to the more feminine type, or sporty dyke or butch and all the variations in between.
I decided to introduce myself as it seemed she was single. She was dancing and then walked up to the bar to get a drink. I approached her at the bar. Stuck my hand out, smiled and introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Mary. I noticed you earlier this evening and though what a great smile you have. I wanted to introduce myself to you. Are you here with friends?”
You Are So Brave to Approach a Woman and Say Hello
After we talked for a few minutes, she said, “You are so brave to approach a woman and say hello.” Really I was nervous about it but I’ve learned that a friendly approach almost always gets a friendly response.
We had a fun conversation. I asked her to join me for coffee in the morning. She said she’d think about it, so I gave her my number and didn’t hear back. Oh well… moving on.
If someone is a “no show” or non-responsive then my answer to that is, I guess she isn’t the one for me. No harm, no foul, move on.
Two nights later I’m at another event. I see another woman, someone I haven’t seen all week. Again, I find her to be attractive, great style, great confidence and of course a great smile.
I tried to find her to talk to in a crowd of women and she sort of disappeared. So I left the event to head back to Rose Acre Cottages where I was staying with my friend Kim.
On the way down the street, I said a little prayer to the universe. It went something like this: “Universe, I’m putting myself out here to find love and relationship. I’d like to meet the woman I saw this evening and if she’s a possible match for me how about you put her in my path so I can introduce myself.”
Two minutes later, I round a corner and there she is walking toward me with two friends. I looked up at the sky and said, “Ok, Universe. You’ve done your part, now it’s my turn. I said I would, so Ok here I go.”
Since this woman had been part of a singing contest, I used that to say something to here. I walked up to her, stuck my hand out and said, “Hi, I’m Mary and I really enjoyed your song.” She and her friends stopped and talked to me for about 10 minutes. I knew her name from the contest but for this article, I’ll call her Debbi.
We laughed and talked about the singing contest, she introduced her friends, we shared a little about our being in Ptown. Her friends offered up that Debbi was in Ptown looking for the love of her life. Hmmmm…
How interesting I thought, me too. I just didn’t say it. They also offered up that she was interested in spending time in Maine. Hmmmm… also very interesting. Debbi is from another part of the country.
It’s one of the fun things about Women’s Week is that women come from all over the world for this event. And because they’ve come so far, most are really open to talking to friendly strangers.
Anyway, back to my story. Debbi’s friends make the comment, “You are so brave to just stop and introduce yourself.” I’m thinking no I’m not, I’m committed to meeting single women so that I can meet Ms. Right for me.
I’ve made a commitment to myself and I’m going to follow through on it. When opportunities show up to meet someone I might be interested in. I take action. I make myself do it.
Think of life as having three simple rules:
- If you do not GO after what you want in life, you will NEVER have it.
- If you do not ASK, the answer will always be NO.
- If you do not step FORWARD, you will always be in the SAME place.
These aren’t just great rules for life, they are great rules for dating. If you don’t do something different in your dating life, you will keep getting the same results.
If you aren’t asking anyone out how is anyone ever going to say yes to you.
If you are always waiting for the other woman to take action and do the asking, then really girls… shame on you for not owning your power and your life and your happiness. Get off your butt and ASK!
Oh and about Debbi, we couldn’t make coffee work, but she did call me this morning and we had a lovely conversation. I’m sure there will be more to follow.
Being brave is so worth it. Go for it. Be brave. Ask… because you have nothing to lose and the whole world to gain.
Does asking a woman out scare you? What scares you the most? Share with me your thoughts in the comment section and I’ll keep writing about this topic for October.
Warm hugs and much love going your way!
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
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