Ask Better Questions – Live a Better Life

by Mary Gorham Malia

Why do you need to ask better questions? So you can get the answers you really need to make the best decision for you when it comes to living your best list. That might be making relationship decisions. It could be about where you are living or buying a house. Maybe you need to ask better questions about a job or your business, a contract, a food plan or just simply asking better questions about how to be happy.

So let’s talk about love and relationship for example. If you’re out there looking for love, sometimes you get caught up in just wanting to feel that special feeling. You know the one. You’re brain goes on autopilot. Your lady parts start to hum and vibrate and you’re sure this woman is THE ONE even though you haven’t asked her anything except her name.

Now considering that you are not an automobile, having your lady parts humming is not an indication that you should put things into gear and drive straight into a relationship. Believe me, I’m all for sex. I think sex between two consenting adults is a wonderful thing. Did I say sex and not love? Yes I did. I’m also for love and sanity. Sex doesn’t always leave us in a sane place and it’s not a promise of love either. Sex is one of the things that creates a stalker – someone who is chemically addicted to you because you’ve shared sex and orgasms but otherwise she’s not a good match. She thinks maybe she is in love with you. You know you don’t love her – it was just sex.  I believe it’s rare to really love someone you don’t even know. Mostly what we do is LUST for someone we barely know.

Love is much more sane than sex. Love gives you time to ask questions. It encourages deep conversations. It gives you space to breathe. Lust – well not so much.

Are you horrible at asking questions?

Asking questions is so important to getting what you want in life. And many of us are down right horrible at asking questions. So today I’m giving you some tips on asking better questions. Take these tips with you on your next date, job interview or house buying decision. Take these tips with you wherever you go and practice them with everyone and anyone you can. You will discover that life starts to make a whole lot more sense when you ask better questions.

Here are 5 quick ways to ask better questions.

1. Listen. Most of us are so distracted we don’t pay attention to the people around us. When we stop talking in our head and listen, we actually learn who people are. You will discover what makes them tick. You will learn what you should really be asking. And you’ll get answers that make a difference.

2. Care. It isn’t enough to listen, we also need to care. If you find the person in front of you genuinely interesting, then your questions will get that much better. Our minds and especially our imaginations become engaged when we care.

3. Be Persistent. Don’t stop with one question. Keep going. Better questions often develop only after you have asked a few bad ones. With the bad ones, you learn information that helps you discover what a good one might be. Don’t be annoying. Don’t be intrusive. But please, don’t give up easily.

4. Stop Assuming. How many really good questions are you not asking because you’ve made a false assumption. How many opportunities have you lost because better questions weren’t asked. Assume nothing. Ask everything you think might be important or relevant. Ask, don’t assume what someone’s answers will be. Stop putting words in other people’s mouths.

5. Explore.  Your questions are most often the result of your own perspective and experience in  life. If you expand your personal life experiences, your ability to ask questions improves. Don’t settle for what you know about anything right now. Learn more. Read. Travel. Explore. Experience.

Finally, here is one of the most important reasons you need to learn to ask better questions…


My Wage

I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening 
When I counted my scanty store.
For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.
I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.

-Jessie B. Rittenhouse

Need I say more. Ask better questions. Ask better questions about life, about love, about happiness, about what’s in front of you.

The payoff will be better than you can ever imagine.

So I want to ask you a question. Before you go, would you leave a comment here? Scroll down and hit the {comments} link and tell me if this spoke to you today.

Till next time, love and hugs… Mary

Mary Gorham Malia

Founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach and the Live Your Best Lesbian Life Summit. Helping lesbians  live the life of their dreams.  I’m an adventurer, passion seeker, mompreneur, friend and all around gay girl. I love connecting lesbians to their dreams and helping them develop the skills they need to live an extraordinary life and have an amazing relationship.


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