Chemistry and Lesbian Dating – You Need More!

by Mary Malia

It’s not enough to have chemistry and lesbian dating experiences prove it over and over.  Lesbian dating can be like a battlefield with everyone after chemistry and attraction above anything else!

For many, chemistry is an equation driven by looks first. When you tell me you have a type, I know its driven by looks first and what comes second often doesn’t matter nearly as much.

That’s an equation for disaster and many of you know this but you don’t know what to do differently.

No one wants to date someone they can’t see themselves kissing or getting between the sheets with at some point in the future.

I agree attraction is an essential ingredient to a vibrant relationship but when it’s number 1 on your hit list for what your looking for in your girlfriend, lover or partner you’re in trouble.

What’s the Trouble with A Lesbian, Dating and Chemistry?

Often it means you’ll compromise your values, goals and other things that are important to you for… wait for it…. the sex!

Sex is intoxicating, I agree. It’s yummy goodness is amazing and when chemistry shows up it’s explosive.

But when chemistry is number one on your list, you’re ignoring the fact that relationships need more to work well and to last.

My personal experiences of going for chemistry first taught me that it wasn’t what makes a relationship last. Often it set me up with someone that I was totally INCOMPATIBLE with. We fought all the time and never got along except that sex kept us coming back to each other over and over again like a video of a train wreck on instant replay.

We also confuse sexual attraction and attachment as love. It’s not. Love is not attachment. Attachment says you have to be who I want you to be or I won’t be happy. Love says, be all of who you are and I’ll love you. Period.

Sex makes you silly headed, stupid and impractical in the worst ways. You disregard your deep inner values and beliefs, which comes back to haunt you later on. You don’t see how this lesbian who’s rocking your socks off is completely wrong for you because sex is blind. Love isn’t blind, sex is though.

Is this shaking you up a bit or making you mad? Either way, the goal is to get you to think deeper about what going for chemistry first has gotten you in the past.

Here’s a new and better question to ask yourself about chemistry. Ready…. here it comes….

What if chemistry moved down to number 3 or 4 on your list of must haves for a great relationship?

What goes in number 1, 2 and 3? How about she has similar goals in her life? Or she shares some of your most important values? Or she is committed to healthy living in a way that is similar to you? Or that she is committed to honesty and open communication?

Think about it. Here’s an example of chemistry run amuk!

You train dogs for a living. You meet a woman who makes you swoon. You connect and discover she’s swooning over you. You mention dogs between the kisses and the sheets and she smiles and giggles. After a few times of going to her place because she insists on it, you finally talk her into coming to your place. Now you discover she’s not allergic to dogs, she just can’t stand dogs; their smell, their drool, their dog hair everywhere, their food dishes, jumping on the bed and basically anything dog.

Yeah, so how’s that chemistry first thing working for you?

This is a silly example, except its TRUE! This shit happens all the time. Then women come to me and say dating sucks! Or lesbians suck! Or I quit dating, I’m staying single forever!

Perhaps if you knew there was a different way to date, you could stay out of this kind of drama and keep your heart in your chest instead of in her bed side table.

And there is a different way to date! I’ll take you there. icon smile Chemistry and Lesbian Dating You Need More!

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And if this spoke to you in a big way, leave me a comment below.

What’s your “chemistry gone bad” story?!

Sending you a big hug!

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