Let Go of the Past – it’s a process and having steps laid out can make a big difference.
We’ve already looked at two steps. Step 1 being to shift your focus from the past and the negative to the present and the positive. Then Step 2 was about not resisting your past but letting it be your teacher. So what’s Step 3 about?
Freedom from the past includes forgiving yourself.
It is a gift that will change your direction. Often it’s easy to see what your former partner or girlfriend did that caused the relationship to fall apart but it’s rare that I hear a woman telling me what she did that caused the relationship to end.
Where am I to blame in what happened? What can I learn?
One lesson I learned from a former girlfriend is that when I point my finger at someone else there are three fingers pointing back at me. I tell you, I hear that in my head at least a couple of times a week.
This simple truth has stopped me in my tracks any number of times from pointing my finger in blame at someone else. I hear her words in my head and I have to stop and ask myself, “Where am I to blame in what happened?”
When you stop blaming others, take responsibility and forgive yourself, you will be able to let go. Have you done this yet? Have you owned your own part in what went wrong or why it was wrong for so long or why you put your head in the sand and didn’t deal with a relationship that was going south?
Perhaps that you never saw the split coming because you thought everything was fine and ducky. Only to learn that it wasn’t. You’re feeling guilty or stupid and can’t get past it.
Whatever the reason your relationship fails taking the time to forgive yourself is powerful and can release many trapped and pent up emotions.
This is another chance to sit and get quiet and ask to be shown something you haven’t seen before. If you did the visualization in Step 2 perhaps you got to see yourself in a more positive and vibrant light. I hope so. Here’s a chance to sit and ask yourself the question – where do I need to forgive myself? What do I need to forgive myself for so that I can move forward?
If you want a better life, ask better and DIFFERENT questions then you normally do.
It is crucial that as an adult woman, you step out of the drama of the past and step into owning your life – the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes we don’t want to see how we contributed to something going bad but the examination process can be really enlightening. It can also be a big step to not repeating the same mistakes again.
Forgiveness is about letting go of blame and guilt. Stop blaming yourself and stop feeling shame and guilt. That’s why you need to forgive yourself. And yes you can.
Your thoughts are producing the life you are living. Are you getting what you really want? Or are you letting your thoughts run wild? Learning to forgive yourself is a powerful step to letting go and moving on. When you let things go, you can then reintroduce yourself to you and life will be different.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Mary,
I just LOVE this! I am realizing how different I am compared to last year. I was still processing my past relationship and feeling constantly drained. It took a good year to feel confident about being alone and letting myself grow from those hurts. However, through meeting new people and building new networks with women – I have found a new me. I have finally let go of that person. She is my past. Not my present. I have wonderful friends in my life now that nurture the real Sophie. I have hobbies that inspire me. I stay active and creative. Plus, I have the most amazing 2 year old boy who also inspires me every second of every day. Life is really awesome right now! And I am single and loving where I’m at. I never thought I’d be in a place to say that. It feels so great! Thank you for writing amazing articles! It truly grounds me.
Sophie Navarro xoxoxox
Mary,
It was hard for me to see that I was to blame for my break-up with my girlfriend a couple of years ago. I tried so hard to put the blame on her, after all, I loved her very much and I did everything I could to keep her happy. Little did I know, that I was the one who was being pushy. So much, that I pushed her away. I finally realized my mistakes and I just hope, whole heartedly that I will never make those mistakes again. I don’t want to ruin any potential future relationships. I feel that I am a much better person, and well, a more mature person than what I was a couple of years ago.
Thank you for reminding me of this important aspect of life.
Linda
LOVE this!!! Just getting out of a break up and have been doing mental inventory and processing what went wrong in my last relationship. I’ve realized that I wanted things to work so badly that I often sacrificed my values and didn’t address things head on because I wanted to “make it work”. I also made myself open and vulnerable to people who showed me they weren’t going to do that for me. I allowed games to be played and didn’t call them out on them. I kinda’ dropped my own needs to make sure my partner was fulfilled and built up resentment b/c of it. I ended up being disrespected and angry with myself for allowing myself to be treated this way and in a one-sided relationship. I’m 3 months on my own now and plan to continue to work on these issues. Your article helps. Thank you!!
I have done similar things as Jen, the hurt in seeing my desperation and holding so little respect for my own gift of love has me very angry with myself and has had me trapped in fear of women and love. I’m making it a point to move on and let my past go.