First Dates – Don’t Let the Good Feelings End

by Mary Gorham Malia

Hello from Phoenix, AZ.

Yes, I do love to travel. I value adventure and the experience of exploring. As I’ve gotten more experienced at traveling, I’ve also found that I’m more comfortable approaching people I don’t know for conversations, questions and to just generally share moments.

Last night I had the chance to connect with a number of women from San Diego who are at the event I am attending. They approached me because they heard about Gay Girl Dating Coach and we ended up having a fun evening dancing and laughing and energizing our 2nd chakras which was one of the themes at the event.

This morning I’m sitting at a table on a patio overlooking desert gardens of barrel cactus, saguaros and aloe plants while listening to Native American flute music float down from speakers above me and birds making plans for their day. In the distance is a ridge of mountains that surrounds Phoenix. This spot is both lovely and inspiring. I’m feeling blessed with the luxury of the goodness of this moment.

So perhaps this is the perfect moment to take a few minutes and talk about the hope that first dates inspire in us.

First Dates – Hope and Inspiration

This month is a focus on first dates and so far I’ve been staying on the side of being cautious. Make them short and sweet and avoid some of the big little mistakes you can make. But first dates are about hope, aren’t they?

You keep going on first dates because you hope to find that woman who makes your heart sing, captures your mind and imagination and creates those magical butterflies in your body that signal chemistry.

You don’t want to get so technical or cautious that you forget about the joy. I like to caution that joy should be held close to the heart and enjoyed without going overboard. You may be really excited about that first date because you find the woman really attractive and interesting but reality is that same energy is not always felt by your date.

Screen Shot 2012 09 08 at 10.32.05 AM 300x220 First Dates   Dont Let the Good Feelings EndBut still when those good feelings rise up in you, I want to encourage you to enjoy them. Feel the goodness of your heart fluttering and your body engaging deep inside. Don’t be afraid of your emotions, just stay in the moment. Don’t rush ahead to plan the next year of your life together. OK?

How do you enjoy the moment? For most of us it takes practice. It takes repeating to your self, “Mary, just stay in this moment. Enjoy the feelings of right now and don’t go anywhere else.”  Ok, so that’s how I do it. How do you stay in the moment?

Last night there was good music and dancing. When I let myself engage fully in dancing, it’s very much in the moment. I hear the music, the beat and I let my body respond. I stop thinking about what I look like and just move. I’m not a great dancer but it’s one way I’ve always connected to being sensual. I could be jumping up and down, twisting and turning or head bobbing and spinning. Dancing requires you to be in the moment to follow, anticipate and respond to the rhythm of the music.

You don’t need a partner to dance and that makes it a great way to practice being in the moment. Staying present with your senses and body.

Screen Shot 2012 08 28 at 3.20.43 PM First Dates   Dont Let the Good Feelings EndA first date does require another woman to show up with you. If you’ve been practicing staying in the present moment, it’s a wonderful focus and energy you can bring to a first date.

Imagine the feeling of connecting with that woman and enjoying a great time together. You’ve been flirty, let your sensual self come out to play and laughed and smiled a lot. She’s responded in the same way. You’ve stayed in the present moment and enjoyed all the feelings passing through your body.

At the end of the date, she indicates she’s not interested in a 2nd or 3rd date. You feel disappointed but can you stay with the good feelings. Can you love yourself enough to enjoy the luxury of how it felt to be present in your body, feel your sensual self, laugh and enjoy being in another woman’s presence that way? Can you take a breathe and be thankful in that moment?

We chose our feelings. They rise up in us and we chose to stay with them or let them flow by like water in a river. Feelings are a flow of reactions to what we are thinking.

I want to encourage you to not fall into a hole of disappointment when that 2nd or 3rd date doesn’t happen but to be thankful for the joy you created in the process. Be open to calling back to yourself that good feeling of being sensual and in your body. Keep it and hold it. Be thankful. Exercise gratitude. Love yourself.

A woman who loves herself is the most gorgeous creature on earth.

She’ll attract all kinds of interested people. She’s not afraid of feeling good and not afraid of someone saying “no” because she’s already full of love and good feelings.

So do yourself a favor and do a little exercise. Put on a favorite piece of music that easily puts you in touch with your own heart and feelings.  Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Keep breathing and let the love that is in your heart right now flow into your whole being. Picture love filling every nook, cranny, joint, bone, muscle, blood vessel, your blood, your brain, flowing into your mouth and ears and eyes and wrinkle of your body and self.

Let the love sit with you and in you. Be present with it. Let yourself feel amazing, sensual, loved in the moment. Hold that for a couple of minutes before you let it go. Or hold it for a long time if you’d like.

Now carry that memory with you for the rest of your day. Recognize that you’ve just had a great date with yourself. Plan a 2nd and 3rd date with yourself to charge those feelings up again.

Tell me, if you were going to plan a great date for someone you really love (um er, yourself!) what would you be doing and where would you be going? Now, why don’t you do that FOR YOURSELF while you wait for a relationship to arrive?

Enjoy the present moment. Enjoy the moments in those first dates. Don’t fall into a hole if things don’t progress but be grateful for each moment you get to feel great about yourself. That’s one of the gifts of first dates. Keep it, it belongs to you.

With much love and gratitude,

MGMsignature First Dates   Dont Let the Good Feelings End




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Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.

Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.

Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC | PO Box 10924 | Portland, ME 04104 |

| Office: 512-544-7494 |

© 2012 Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC
Unauthorized duplication or publication of any materials from this site is expressly prohibited.

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