You’re ready for a new relationship. You’re on the lookout for the newest love of your life. You’ve been checking out the girls, dykes, femmes, butches, bois, grrls, lesbians, bi-girls and anyone that gets your gay-dar ticky-tocking. You’re so ready for someone special to step into your world. Really? Are you sure?
Is Winter Over? Are You Ready for a New Love?
There are a number of important areas of life that come into play to determine if we are “ready” to find a new relationship. You can be ripe and ready to go in some areas and woefully unready in other areas. These run the gamut from having done the work you need to deal with the baggage of your past (we are all allowed some small handbags but no moving vans) to being absolutely clear on what your personal rules about sex are with someone “new.” Then there’s being over your ex…
So let me start by asking – are you OVER your ex? Is it done? Let’s find out?
- You’ve actually moved OUT?
- She’s actually moved OUT of your house, apartment, pad and heart.
- You’ve finalized issues related to children – child support, visitation and other issues of which there are many?
- You’ve actually separated your money?
- You’ve actually set up all your own accounts in your own name?
- It’s your car in your name.
- You’ve finalized pet custody and visitation rights and you’re done arguing about that.
- You’re not still keeping clothes in the closet, or drawers or storing stuff you need every day in the garage at what is now her place.
- You’re not involved in a legal suit against your ex that is lingering and festering?
Are you done yet? Get it.
You’re friends aren’t still carrying on about how the two of you need to get back together? If you showed up at your favorite hangout with a date, she wouldn’t be regaled with stories about you and your ex by all those friends that want the two of you to get back together? Right? Or will she hear stories about how you’re heart broken and still struggling to get things together and how glad they are to see her trying to get back into life by dating you. Are you looking for the job of raising someone from the grave of their past relationship? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
If you have children with your ex, you’re managing that very important commitment to staying connected to the children and it’s become fairly civil – for the sake of the kids at least. Right? So you won’t have to carry on to your date about how you can’t see your kids because your ex is so controlling or how you can’t let your ex near the kids because she is a nut case. Right? I’d be wondering about you if you’re telling me she’s crazy. You were partners right? I’d be wondering if you’re nuts too. Get it. I’d be wondering if you had any bad news to report on this front. You too right?
You’ve moved on enough in life, that you’re not bringing your ex on your dates with you. Right? I mean, she is NOT part of your conversations when you are out on dates. You’re not still talking about your ex and all the things she did to you. It’s extremely unattractive but far too common. I’ve been guilty of that one. Lesson learned!
So is it done yet? Get it. No one wants to date you and your ex. No one wants to date you and your story about your ex. No one wants to date your anger, your sadness, your broken heart or your bitter heart. So are you done yet? No? Well get focused and finish your business girl! Life isn’t waiting for you; its marching onward each and every day, get back in the parade!
And here’s a secret, is she still talking about her ex, child custody fights, legal issues, pet custody and in the emotional drama of her previous relationship?
You probably don’t want to date her.
Get it. She’s not done yet! Are you?
Leave your comments, ideas, thought for me below. I want to know about your experience with this. Thanks for visiting Gay Girl Dating Coach. See you soon!
In the meantime, I’d love for you to leave me a comment about this post and are you ready for a new relationship?
About Mary Gorham Malia:
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life, divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
As the founder and organizer of lesbian focused community groups in multiple states, with members numbering in the thousands, she brings her real life philosophies to women dating women wherever she can. Her unique focus is as a ”Step by Step You Can Live an Extraordinary Life” Gay Girl Dating Coach because happiness is more than a date!
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC PO Box 10924, Portland, ME 04104 | Office: 207-450-1611|
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