Before we dive into 9 ways you can enjoy being a single lesbian this holiday season, I want to encourage you to check out my special webinar that’s going on over the holidays – 5 Tips to Find a Lesbian Date Fast – Before New Years! Join me. I’ve got some fun ideas for you and a special gift along with a chance for you to make a difference for an LGBT Youth Organization this holiday season.
You’re a Single Lesbian? Here are 9 ways to enjoy being a single lesbian this holiday season:
1) OWN THE DAY! Whether you are recently single or long term single, it’s important to think ahead and make a plan for what you will need and want during the deepest part of the season, i.e. Christmas and New Years.
- The first thing to do is go give yourself permission to own the holidays. Own what you will do and won’t do. Sit down with a calendar and look at December. Mark off the days that are important to you. Make a plan now. Don’t wait and then wake up on Christmas or New Years and fall into a pit of despair because you’re alone… again. Plan now gay girls.
- I want to acknowledge that many women from different traditions, religions and beliefs are readers so I want to respect that there are different days that are important to different women.
- That said, how do you feel about New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day? Do you need to own that one?
- Owning it means that you get to decide what you are going to do and you make it happen for you. You don’t wait for someone else to show up and make a plan for you. You do it yourself cause you can. I’m giving you permission to own it.
Eleven years ago I spent my first holidays alone after being married for 20+ years. My two children came by for Christmas Eve but they spent the day with their father and his family because that had been our family tradition. I was not invited and I didn’t want to attend. I wasn’t sure what I would do.
It took me a couple of years before I finally said, heck, I’m not sitting at home alone anymore. So for a number of years now, I have made it my tradition to post an event for single lesbians, inviting them to meet for Chinese Buffet and a movie. It’s always a well-attended event and I’m always meeting new faces. And the women that show up are always so grateful that someone thought of them and included them.
And honestly as single women, being invited to share the day with couples and families is nice, but sometimes its just reinforces a sense of loneliness. If that’s your experience, perhaps this year you need to create your own thing. Then make it happen.
I own my holidays and I’ve shared this Chinese Buffet tradition with others who are now doing the same thing in other cities and communities. So can you! It’s super easy.
2) DO THE OBVIOUS The obvious thing is to go shopping for something special. Here’s a concept for single lesbians, have you been holding off on buying something special for yourself? Well now’s the time to get it. Maybe it’s a small thing, like a whole new set of jockey underwear and then you throw away all the old ones. Or maybe it’s a big thing, like a kayak or a bicycle or a weekend away someplace special to you.
After you get it, wrap it up for Christmas morning. Put the package someplace where you can see it every day and enjoy the anticipation of using and having that special thing. It’s silly but it works!! Open it on Christmas morning, use it, wear it, eat it, see it, hear it, beat feet to it and enjoy it.
3) GET TOUCHED Schedule some deep self-care time – a massage, a pedicure, a manicure, a facial. When you are single, there is often little if any physical touch that happens in your life so make it happen now.
If your budget allows maybe you can give yourself a couple of these special services, get two massages during December not just one. If it’s a massage, make sure you don’t have to rush off to do something stressful right after, cause what’s the point of getting all relaxed right?
And hey gay girls, everyone should get a pedicure a couple of times a year. Get the grungies off your feet! It doesn’t matter if you’re butch or femme, a pedicure is a wonderful way to really love and care for yourself. Take care of those bunions, get rid of end of the summer calluses and nasty leftover summer nail polish. Clean it up and dance around the house with your happy feet.
4) ROCK AN OUTFIT Spend some time in your closet and put together two or three GREAT outfits that you can wear for last minute invitations or for the invitations you are going to make to others. (See my webinar – 5 Tips to Find a Date Fast! Before New Years!)
Knowing you have a couple of GREAT outfits, that look amazing on you can cheer you up and make it easier to say yes to last minute invitations.
If you suck at putting outfits together, get your best-dressed friend to come over and go through your closet with you. Try stuff on, be courageous and mix it up. Your closet can be your best friend for making life seem new. Pull out stuff you haven’t worn in ages and it will feel like something brand new.
5) OWN AN EVENT Create your own traditions. Stop waiting for others to define what the holidays mean to you. Do it yourself.
- Plan a small intimate dinner party with a few friends.
- Plan a holiday get-a-way trip to the city for a show.
- Rent a place by the water or mountains with a bunch of good friends to celebrate New Years. I’ve done this a couple of times and it’s always been special. We rented a place by the ocean and spent New Year’s on the beach freezing our tails off but loving it. Then we walked the beach the next morning with coffee in our hands and talked about New Year’s Goals and Intentions. It was special.
6) HAIR AFFAIR Around the middle of December, get your hair cut, done, colored, tinted, highlighted, buzzed or whatever you do. Book it now! Then by the time Christmas and New Years are here, it will be at that “just right” stage.
Along with that special hairdo, you might treat yourself to one of the salon products that is so outrageously expensive but makes you feel special every time you use it.
7) PLAN A FABULOUS MEAL You’re grocery shopping anyway. Why don’t you treat yourself to something really yummy for your holiday meals. If you’re a gay girl that prefers her quiet time and doesn’t need a party or a crowd to feel good, this one’s for you.
Make a plan for a special meal (or 2 or 3), make a shopping list and get er done Vern! Include a special beverage, mixed drink, wine, alcohol free or whatever makes you feel special. And rock a fabulous meal in your own little home as a celebration of the winter solstice, Hanukkah, New Years, or whatever it is.
Set the table. Use candles. Get nice napkins and why not buy a new special place setting for your holiday meals. Make it into an event.
Again though, by making a plan and executing on it, you’ll feel empowered by your solitude not ripped off because you’re alone.
8) MAKE IT A MOVIE DAY Ok, this might sound a little odd, but why not. Rent your favorite movies, get the whole Die Hard series or Potter or Lord of the Rings, or 60s favorites, whatever strikes your fancy. You’ve got your amazing meal planned and ready to go and continue owning the holidays by watching your favorite stories.
9) VOLUNTEER OR DONATE This goes without saying that its one great way to share your love and presence during the holidays. Make a contribution to the nonprofit of your choice. Volunteer to be the one who feeds the cats and dogs at the animal shelter. Volunteer to spend a couple of hours helping at the local food bank or soup kitchen.
Go shopping for a homeless teenager and get him or her a special Christmas present. Call around to find out what organization helps out homeless teens and ask who needs a present for the holidays.
Or you could make a donation to the charity I’ve picked to support this year. It’s New Alternatives for LGBT Youth in New York City. This organization was deeply impacted by Hurricane Sandy but they are dedicated to serve a very special group of youth and young adults. Many of whom are homeless because their parents kicked them out of their homes upon learning they were LGBT.
I believe this organization is a good one and well run by caring people. It helps a group that is desperately in need of services and often doesn’t have other places or people to turn to. So join me and send them $20 for their holiday celebration. Click here to go to their donation page.
And leave me a comment – what are you going to do to own the holidays this year?
Happy December to all!!
Hugs,
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
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