I couldn’t be happier knowing who I am and what I want from a relationship. It pains me to think it took this long but I am free now.

I love deeply, emotionally and spiritually now. My lover and I have been through a lot. She is full blown Lesbian from day one…I am mother of 2, just finding myself. I am grateful she has given me a chance even though she has sworn she would never, ever date a woman with kids.

She is the love of my life…..I hope she can see it through…..

I was just reading your website, and this is almost exactly what I’m going through. I actually came across your site actually for tips and help on how to cope with everything that’s been going on cause I’m really struggling.

I’ve been involved with a married woman for over 3 years (and have been best friends with her for over 6). This was a complicated relationships all around as she had a long distance relationship and finally got married about 3.5 years ago. I throughout our friendship I heard about the troubles in their marriage, how much she missed him, or how awful he was being and helped her work through it all. I moved halfway across the country indefinitely (for work), about 6 months after they married, and the first time she came out to visit my new home, things took a turn for the unexpected.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never been with a woman before. I couldn’t tell if it was the distance between us or the ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ thing that happens, but over the next few months we just both completely fell in love with each other, and hard. I would fly back home as much as I could, often not even telling other friends and family that I was back, but just to spend time with her. And she would fly out to see me, or make her flight have stopovers on her way back from visiting her husband (and then ‘accidentally’ miss the connecting flight).

The issue for me was that she was never sure what she wanted. At one point, had I said I want you to leave him for me, I think she might have, but I remember saying ‘please don’t leave him FOR me, leave him because you don’t want to be with him, and we’ll see if we work’. I’m still replaying that moment in my head every so often, because I feel like things could have been so different. I know she wants the typical family (a husband, kids, a house, financial stability, etc).

Throughout our relationship I was constantly torn between wanting to help her make her marriage work (if that’s what she wanted), and wanted to be in a relationship with her myself. The opportunity arose for them to finally live together, and I encouraged her to give it a chance (possibly thinking that it would not work anyways). I thought I could be patient and wait it out. Well it worked for a period. She talked divorce, she talked separation. I moved back home (to the same city they were living), and she asked for my help when the day come that she be ready to leave.

Throughout this period, she and I started fighting more and more. I guess I’m not as patient as I thought I could be. I’m not sure if that’s what made her change her mind, but they are now in marriage counseling trying to make it work. We tried to continue with a friendship, that seems to have shattered into pieces, but couldn’t find a balance between relationship expectations and friendship and just started fighting about the most ridiculous things….

This is my first relationship with a woman, and I have to say, it’s unbelievable how much it hurts. I’ve lost my best friend, my sister, my partner, my family. She was everything to me. We haven’t spoke or text or emailed in 4 days, which is longer than I’ve EVER gone without talking to her (one day whole with no contact used to be too much). This is so painful. I know i made terrible decisions, I know I am to blame. I guess I deserve this. Trying to cope

About becoming intimate so fast ,is something that I struggled all my life…

Now I am older and wiser ,however I am not immune and will never be. Like you said: it’s a drug! I will always need to monitor myself, anticipate situations,be careful with drinking too much so I can control myself and say NO.
Honestly ,I feel sorry for myself ,I wanted to be less vulnerable to sex…
I would like to say that it’s because I am romantic and it’s also in my Latin culture…however I strongly believe it has some of that and some of low self-steam and lack of integrity.
What has helped me over the years is to be connected with people that live in ways that I would like to live…people that are mature and wise . I have a friend that is very skillful and wise that inspires me.I usually ask myself, ” what would my friend do in this situation?”
I have been able to resist many times, however , unfortunately, I don’t always follow my intuition because the little girl “down there” is so powerful and I end up doing what she wants…

Going to your workshop and reading your posts has been a tremendous help .I am so so grateful for you offering us heart opening paths into the meaning of loving and protecting and caring for ourselves.

Thanks a bunch Mary!!
xo

Thank you Mary, for another great post!