Sometimes I just want to cry. Not often but today I nearly broke down in tears. I was tired of feeling overwhelmed and the questions the IT support guy was asking weren’t helping. You see, in order to write these blog posts I have to log into the Gay Girl Dating Coach website and more.
Actually to get a blog post out takes planning, writing, research, a website, a web host, an email service, a computer or two, pictures, ideas, sticking to a schedule and persistance. Just doing it. And finally, it takes you. You have to find me and connect with what I’m writing. Find it valuable and worth your time. That’s probably a lot more than you would have expected.More than you want to know about a website!
Life is FOR You, Not Against You
In the course of the last year, I’ve learned 12 new web based technologies that help me make this blog work. When I get ready to write I go to my website, log into the the “dashboard”, select “Add New Post” feature and start writing. It’s a process that isn’t terribly complicated once you understand all the steps but when it’s broken it makes me feel powerless and overwhelmed. This website is the main vehicle I have to get out my message which is that life doesn’t have to be overwhelming and you aren’t a victim! That dating can be fun and you can take charge of your dating life, your love life and your BIG GROWN UP LIFE! That life is FOR you and not against you.
There’s a Bitch in My Head
Now let me admit that I have days when I don’t feel terrific and deep down inside I wish someone else would make the decisions. The voice in my head, I like to call her the “Bitch in my Head!” goes into overdrive and tears me up. She’s busy telling me how I’m not good enough, don’t work hard enough, don’t pay attention to the right details and overall am just good for nothing and won’t amount to anything anyway. Yeah, as you can see, the Bitch in my Head is not a very nice person. When that voice is making noise, it can make me feel like I want to cry.
I get to see the place in me that is the victim get noisy too
My little ol’ victim voice likes to tell me that everything is too hard. Getting out of bed is too hard. Working out is too hard. Eating right is too hard. Nobody cares about me so why try. Nobody will notice anyway, so why bother. It will never work and I’ll just mess something up and do it all wrong, so why try.
Does any of this sound familiar? Come on, admit it, some of you know these voices really well.
So what does this have to do with the problem with my website. Well, the IT support person couldn’t help me. Out of his area of responsibility. Damn! He gave me a solution path – many complicated steps for someone who is not an IT person. My stomach was definitely aching when I hung up from that call.
And Sometimes I Just Want to Cry
I sat at my desk and heard the voices in my head. Yeah, voices, plural. Have you noticed there are often conflicting conversations going on in your head? And sometimes it’s a wonder which voice is actually in charge.
It went from “I have work to do and it’s not this mess!”, to “How the hell did this happen and why today?” and of course “I think I just want to lay on the floor in a ball and cry cause I don’t want to deal with this!”
You’ve never said any of these things to your self right? Yeah, I thought so.
So I made myself stop and just breathe. I had to remind myself to breathe because I realized I was holding my breathe. I have a tight schedule for the day and dealing with a technology issue that appeared to be incredibly complicated was not on my agenda. I’m in the middle of four big projects and none of them involve solving my website access issue. BUT… the website is critically important.
Sometimes you need to just stop, breathe and wait for the answer to come.
In the last month there were 5000 visitors, 10,000 page views and it’s growing in leaps and bounds. That’s not huge by any means but its important. There are women that count on this site being here and having a place where they feel understood. Having a voice they can relate too. That’s important.
I needed to be able to get into that site yesterday, today and tomorrow and everyday. If I can’t fix it, then a years worth of work is toast. That’s not good enough. That’s not a solution. I sat and breathed some more. I opened up to the idea that there might be another way. Another solution to the problem that wouldn’t require hundreds or thousands of dollars to fix and 10 or more lost hours of productivity.
It turns out there was a solution. And unexpected little window opened up for me. I have an assistant that works on the site. I was able to get her login information and get into the site. And she had the right kind of access to the site, so I could actually reset my password and viola!!!!!! I have what Go Daddy said I couldn’t have – access to my WordPress Dashboard again.
No re-install, no money, no hours of lost time, no more stomach ache, no tears. Do answers always show up this way? No they don’t but when they do we should always celebrate. So I’m celebrating and sharing it with you.
And what’s the lesson here? You know right? Ask a better question? Ask a different question?
Take a breathe and make space for an unexpected answer to show up.
How does this apply to dating? Easy. You think there is only one way to find love and its not working so you’re close to tears and overwhelmed at the thought of being alone forever. Your constant question is “Why is this happening to me?” or “I’ll never find lasting love.” Don’t forget to see the pouty lips, downward glancing eyes, droopy shoulders and bowed head. Right? Got it?
Get a better question! Tell that Bitch in Your Head to shut up! Tell the victim the same thing. Start breathing and opening up to the limitlessness of the world and the love that is available to all of us. Limitless. You are the only limit in your life. Pick your head up, make yourself smile and breathe. Pick up your shoulders and get out into the world and be grateful because the universe is immensely generous with its goodness. Get out of the box!
You draw and build and move into the little box you live in. You create your own boundaries and limitations. You are the author of your life. I mean this and I mean it deeply.
And you don’t need to live in a little box. Think Bigger!
I could have just quit today. Thrown my hands up and said “what the hell, I can’t fix this damn thing.” and other assorted victim like things. I felt like doing that believe me. Instead, I asked myself a better question – “What else could I do to get into my dashboard so I can post Monday’s blog?” “I can’t abandon the women that follow this site and are waiting to hear something to help them live their best lives.” Dammit I said to myself, I have to figure this out and fix it. Now, not later.
It’s with gigantic gratitude that I am writing this post and knowing it will go live and you’ll be able to read it. The bad news that Robert, the IT support guy gave me, wasn’t the only story that was available. I searched and found another story. It not only changed my day and my emotional state, it’s changing your’s too!
What limits are you accepting? Why? What limits do you want to break free from? YEAH! That’s a better question right?
Share your thoughts below. I read every one and what you have to say is important. Come on…
PS: Have you joined me on Facebook yet? Come on over.
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life, divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC | PO Box 10924, Portland, ME 04104 |
| Office: 207-450-1611|
© 2011 Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC
Unauthorized duplication or publication of any materials from this site is expressly prohibited.