Get a Better Problem

Good morning world and Mary. I watched the video “Get a Better Problem” several times. I was puzzled about something and when I am puzzled I search for answers. When I watch your video I do not see a lesbian. I see a woman who is an endless encourager, an enthusiastic helper, and someone who emanates positive energy no matter the personal circumstances or what is happening in the world. I see a woman who has found her purpose in life, found her reason to live and exist in the world, and does not hide her talents and purpose, but lets everyone she meets know the what is important in her life. (Sometimes we keep our talents and purpose hidden because we get so consumed by our problems.) This is what I see.

In some ways what I “see” does not match what I am “hearing.” Your primary message is about, and, for lesbians. I don’t doubt you are a lesbian. I understand life well enough to know that things are not always black and white, but made up of gray areas. That would explain why a woman, when she was younger, knew she was “different” than her hetero female peers and denied her sexual identity due to her circumstances. Some reasons are “shaming” her parents, the church condemning her to hell, or avoiding bullying and ridiculing by society. I believe you are who you say you are.

I have worked and interacted with lesbians over the years, and currently work and interact with lesbians. The women I can INSTANTLY identify they are lesbian are the Gold Star lesbians. I don’t have a gaydar system. These women emanate their sexual identity first and foremost and the rest of their “self” is secondary. I sense they ALWAYS have been secure in their sexual identity and they have never questioned it. There is no guessing if she is gay. Their lesbian world is black and white.

That is what separates the Gold Star lesbians from the rest of us. A huge gray area in the gay world are the later in life lesbians. They don’t look gay. They blend in with the rest of society. If I am interested in a woman I have to find out if she is gay and this may take a little time. I am ok with that. However, “later in life lesbians blending in” carries its own set of problems. We bring our neuroses, our self doubts, our questions of how to fit in, issues of not feeling worthy, our insecurities, and the list goes on and on into the whole gay picture. My attitude is who the hell cares how neurotic we are. There is this segment of women, and growing, in society who fit into this category. They will be the next voting block to push for gay marriage laws. After all, almost all of the later in life lesbians had relationships with men or have been married. It’s so easy to get married to a man. After all, it’s just a piece of paper. How dare anyone take away our right to marry a person we love because of archaic and false beliefs. If I was a lesbian all of my life but ended up in a hetero marriage and was able to marry, why would I not expect to have the same expectations of marriage to a woman? Perhaps these woman do not realize their power.

Mary, I said all of this to say that your web site is totally geared for the later in life lesbians. That is why I return. You can take an ordinary concept such as budgeting and give it a new meaning, a new breath of fresh air. You challenge us to look at our boring lives from a different angle. Your mission in life is to make sure we have the tools to improve our lives. I look at so many lesbian web sites and I see the same blog today that I saw 6 months ago. There is nothing new. Thank you gaygirldatingcoach.com for paying attention to details. Have a blessed day.

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