We all remember the mean girls in school don’t we. The girl bullies that picked on other girls who didn’t fit in. Gay Girl Dating Coach isn’t a fit for everyone and it isn’t meant to be. If you’ve taken a few minutes to read the “About Me” page on this website then you know I came out later in life. I don’t promote myself as someone who has been out there fighting for LGBT rights for years. I don’t promote myself as someone who young women should be modeling. I’m simply sharing my story.
I am always impressed with women of any age who had the courage to step out and live their lives out in the open from a young age. It’s really true, I believe they did something special, especially back in the “day.” I don’t think my story of coming out later in life is special in any way, it just happens to be my story.
As part of my story, there is an ex-husband and children. That makes me divorced, like more than 50% of the population in this country and a good number of late to lesbian life women. There are a lot of us with exes that happen to be men we were married to at some point.
I will not apologize for my past and I don’t need to hide it.
Does the woman I date have to accept my past and find space for my children in some way? She sure does, just as I have to accept her past – exes, kids, family, pets, etc. The older we get, the more past that needs to be received and accepted.
What mean girls say…
A reader left a comment stating that somehow I was less than a lesbian, possibly still somehow married to my ex-husband, and in some way pushing or pulling him into my current relationship. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that comment. She might be a member of the “Mean Girl’s Club” or maybe she’s just been badly hurt by someone.
Really here’s what I think when this stuff happens: wow, that is one mad, pissed off, and enraged woman. I wonder what’s up with her and her ex-girlfriends. I wonder if she’s dated one or more women who came out later in life with ex-husbands and there’s been drama and hurts that still aren’t resolved. I wonder what she is afraid of that makes her so mad and mean.
One of my lessons in life that I’d share with any late-comer to the lesbian lifestyle is go SLOW. You’re a time bomb if you’ve waited a long time to come out, and it would be a good thing if you don’t go around blowing up any more lives than needed to stand in your truth. (I have to own that I blew up my family when I decided to stand in my truth and come out. It created a lot of pain for everyone but we have all moved on, healed, forgiven and we live good lives these days.) (And no, my ex-husband is not my best friend and that’s so okay with me.)
Some “life-time” lesbians who dated late to the party lesbians have been hurt by someone who is working through the confusion and uncertainty that is part of the coming out process for a woman later in life. Unfortunately it happens. The truth is that if we are alive on this planet we’ve been hurt by broken promises and broken hearts. What happens after that is always up to the individual. And even mean girls are really loving and kind women on the inside.
We all have our own path. It is unique to each of us. Even as none of us look exactly alike, so our paths are different and how we become more conscious and loving humans on this planet is different for each of us.
I don’t regret my marriage or my children and I don’t feel the need to apologize for making the choices I did at that time in my life. In this present moment, day, week, month and year I’m living my truth the best I know how, as consistently as I can, each and every day. I don’t always hit home runs, sometimes I make a mess of things, I’m still able to say something really stupid at times and at other times, I know wisdom shows up when I open my mouth.
I believe the universe is something like a big game that we are all playing together. There are a bunch of rules (you know, like gravity and the freezing temperature of water) that we are all here to learn and that help us grow. I believe the ultimate goal is that we learn to embrace the power of love for ourselves and for others. I don’t need to judge you because you are here for the same reasons I’m here. To learn more about love and to bring more love to a world that desperately needs it.
I’m glad you’re here. I am truly grateful for those men and women who have fought the good fight for gay rights and being out and open all these years. I am in awe of your courage and your love. Thank you for all you’ve done to make my late-comer lesbian life easier and better.