First dates are when we want to avoid the little things that become big mistakes. We want them to be fun and we want to feel a connection that says, “let’s do this again!” It’s a BIG reason to keep first dates short and sweet and leave her wanting more of you.
Don’t Psych Yourself Out Before You Even Start
Frequently we psych ourselves out when it comes to first dates. We spend too much time thinking about it. Schedule it too far into the future and make it too big of a deal. Relax and keep breathing.
Remember my earlier advice about first dates – short and sweet. And build slowly from there. Take your time about deciding if she’s the right one. Let her reveal her true nature to you by her actions and not just a series of conversations.
Yes, talking is important but actions are so much more powerful and truth telling. The person who says, I’m always here for you when you’re in need and then you finally reach out for comfort and help and they’re busy busy busy… that’s the action that speaks so loudly right?
Let’s talk about first dates DON’Ts.
1. Don’t Cancel and Don’t Stand Her Up!
2. Being late is next on the bad and sad list of little big mistakes. Yes, things can happen. Traffic is bad, your car broke down, the boss made you work late. You did get my number so you can call me to let me know right? Call me, don’t text me that you’ll be late. And just don’t be late is best.
3. There are topics you just don’t discuss on a first date. Religion and politics are at the top of the list. You might want to steer away from sex toys also. This also includes going into the dark and nasty details of any break-up you’ve had. NO, it does not belong in your dating conversations.
4. Please tell me you won’t be checking out other women while we are on a date. It’s the ultimate in being rude right in my face to see you starring off at another woman. I’m pretty sure we won’t have a second date.
5. Please don’t get aggressive and insist that I drink or eat or stay or anything. You’re telling me what to do or how to do it is a total turn-off. You’re deciding to coach me or counsel me is also a turn-off. I’m not on this date for you to solve anything for me but to find out if I’d like to go on another date with you. Period, that’s it. If you’re busy being bossy, I’m not going on another date with you.
6. Now the opposite applies also. Don’t be so laid back that I can’t figure out if you like or dislike anything at all. If you don’t care about where we meet, what time we meet, what we do, how long we do it for, etc., I may begin to think you don’t care about anything at all. That’s a bit of a red flag my friend and I might just not want date #2.
7. Finally, don’t do all the talking. Be a listener but also participate in the conversation. Listen deeply cause deep listening means you’ll have something really interesting to say back to me about what I’m telling you. I might love talking about myself but I don’t want to talk for the entire date. I also don’t want to feel like I’m with someone who is so busy talking she’s sucking all the air out of the room
To be honest, this has happened to me a few times. The woman I’m with is nervous and talks nonstop. I find it annoying and not very cute. After a while, it starts to feel like sand being blown in my face. Ouch, it hurts.
8. Please tell me you won’t get drunk on a first date or really any date. A woman who is drunk on a first date might say she’s nervous but what she’s really telling me is she has no self-esteem and I’m definitely not going to date her again. This is one that many of you might say doesn’t matter. Well that is always your decision, but I think it’s a BIG red flag about what’s going to happen in a relationship and I wouldn’t want to go there.
9. Don’t be rude. If you are rude to wait staff, customer service people, someone else in line or whoever there will be no do-overs for this date. If you’re rude to total strangers in public, what the heck will you do in private. I don’t want to know and I won’t stick around to find out.
These are 9 simple BIG mistakes that women make when dating. They are so simple I don’t want you to miss what a big deal these can be. When you pull one of these dating mistakes, you’re actions are speaking loudly saying you are not trustworthy or date worthy.
So read them again. Get them in your head and you’ll go a long way to being a winner in the first date goes to second date race. That’s what I want for you.
Now tell me, have any of these things happened to you on a first date? What did you do? Did you see that woman again? I can’t wait to find out, so leave me a comment below.
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
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