Do you dance? Did you dance under the full moon this weekend? Or are you a woman that cringes when talk about dancing comes up?
Dance has an amazing ability to shift your feelings.
I love to dance – sometimes. Over the years, dancing has been something I’ve used to express myself, play, flirt or just feel my body for a change. I tend to get locked up in my head with thinking versus feeling too often. Do you? Or are you mostly a feeler in your approach to life? I often dance when I’m alone because I know it will change my mood. When I feel down or just stuck in a funk, I can use dance to shift my energy and change my mood. Do you do this?
Now from another perspective, have you looked around when you’re at an event that is lesbian focused. Have you noticed that our community is just one part of society that is showing up as overweight, under-exercised, unhealthy and just overall fat. Yeah, I said that word. We are fat and many of us are obese. It’s a big problem.
In a previous career, I worked for a large disability insurer. One of my last projects before I left that company eight years ago, was a study on obesity and its impact in the workplace and in healthcare. It was not a pretty picture and it’s gotten worse. I’ve heard three radio news stories in the last 10 days reporting on the epidemic in childhood obesity. It’s out of control.
And perhaps you all know that research tells us that a person who is obese is likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and a lot of other issues related to being overweight.
What does any of this have to do with dancing? It’s the idea that when you are being physical, working out and exercising it puts you in a more conscious state. You become more conscious about your body. You feel things that you’re not likely to feel at other times. Honestly, dancing does that for me. I feel my belly, my hips and my arms and shoulders in ways I don’t typically.
Actually there was a lot of dancing last night. I attended a T-Dance for a while and got to dance with three charming women. Then I met friends for dinner. The DJ showed up at the restaurant for Cinco De Mayo and a lot of dancing happened. Not only was it fun, fun, fun but today I am sore, sore, sore because I’ve been too sedentary lately. Oh my god, do I need to get my butt in gear!
One of my friends didn’t want to dance. She was sitting at the table alone while her partner and a friend from out of state were having a ball dancing. Finally someone said to my friend, “hey, you’re friend is only here for one more day, why don’t you get up and join in the fun?” Why don’t we just jump up with out having to be coaxed to dance when the opportunity arrives? She did get up and dance. Hurray for her!
“I don’t feel like it” is another way to say “I don’t want to live my life”. Blah!
Really isn’t dancing just one of the things we chose not to do for so many dumb reasons. The biggest one being, “I don’t feel like it.” Really that’s the dumbest reason NOT to do something. That “I don’t feel like it” feeling is a trap that too many gay girls buy into all too often.
I don’t feel like exercising, so I am out of shape and overweight and actually feel awful about myself all the time.
I don’t feel like eating healthy so I am overweight and don’t feel well from too much sugar and fat in my diet and I feel awful about myself.
I don’t feel like talking so we can resolve an issue, so the issue becomes a death trap for a relationship and I’m left feeling awful.
I don’t feel like finishing the project I started, so it becomes an energy suck for years while I keep moving the unfinished and probably broken pieces of the project around the house, garage, basement, attic, shed or storage unit. Or I live with half-painted walls, unfinished floors and stacks of stuff that should have been thrown out a year ago and looking at it makes me feel awful that I haven’t finished it.
I don’t feel like being in this relationship anymore so off you go looking for greener grass. Instead of remembering what made the grass in your own yard was also green once upon a time and maybe you should be doing what needs to be done to make it good and green again.
Do you see a pattern in this? The things we often don’t feel like doing are what’s good for us. Instead we go take the short and easy route to pleasure and end up feeling awful in the long run. Hmmm…
I don’t feel like dancing, so I’ll just sit and watch life pass me by, like a bump on a log.
No sense in doing anything to make yourself feel really alive, take a chance on looking silly or moving your body and getting some exercise. No point in using dance to move your emotions to a different place. No sense in dancing as a way to connect with a woman you’re interested in. No sense in doing something that can create pure joy, pleasure and fun.
And let me be clear, when I talk about dancing, I mean the shake your hips kind of dancing. The just get up and move your feet and shake your hips and lift your arms up. We’re not talking about Dancing with the Stars. I lived in Texas for two years and never did really learn how to Two-Step though I love it. I think it’s so sexy to watch a couple of women or a couple of men two-stepping. It’s a total wow experience for me. I loved attempting it, but I always need a good lead. Someone who can lead going backward or forward cause I’m a two-steppin clutz!
I’m not a great dancer, I’ve just become convinced that it’s a key to easy and great exercise. It always makes me feel better. If I really want to let myself go while dancing and let my sensual self out of the box, it also always makes me feel attractive and sexy.
Have you had a chance to dance lately and you passed it up? What else have you passed up because you didn’t feel like it at the moment? Yeah, I knew there was something else.
I’m going to confess that I’ve been struggling with my weight. Today I was in the “I don’t care” funk. That feeling alone says I need more sleep and I’m overtired. I do care actually. And I’m going to admit it here that I’m struggling these days to get into a solid workout routine and stick to my healthy eating plan. In the last year, I’ve gained 10 lbs. That’s pretty average for American’s as we age. We gain 10lbs in a year. That’s 20 lbs in two years and by the time you’re hitting 40 or 50, you’re easily 30 or 40 lbs overweight and maybe more.
Like many women, I’ve gone up and down over the years. I’m making a commitment to myself to stick to my plan this week. I’m going to go one week at a time. Want to join me? Want to commit to your well being, healthy weight and healthy lifestyle? Come on join me. Let’s dance and let’s get healthier. You do know it’s easier to date and find a great relationship if you’re feeling great about yourself. Yeah, I knew you knew that!
Ok, so here’s my plan. I’m sort of vegan/vegetarian. I eat fish frequently. I also will indulge in a grass fed locally grown burger once in a great while. So I’m just being transparent here. I love good chardonnay but don’t tend to drink anything else.
So this week I’m skipping the chardonnay and going with green drinks. It’s going to be a cleasing diet week for me along with gentle exercise every day. My buddy Marie is going to join me tomorrow for the walk around back bay. A beautiful 3 mile walking trail around a small bay in the city of Portland, ME. It’s so lovely and just a few minutes drive from my house.
That’s my plan. I’ll let you know how it goes. Tell me your plan. Leave a comment here and find me on Facebook. I’ll continue to post about this on Facebook this week. I’m hoping you’ll join me. Set your goal and share it with me. Let’s encourage each other to create our best lives starting today.
And finally, get your butt off the couch and dance. Dance in your living room, in the kitchen and in the shower. Hand dance in the car and let yourself feel the music move your emotions. You’ll be surprised at how much more you feel like doing. Decide today to start living your best lesbian life because yes you can!
hugs to all of you, Mary
About Mary Gorham Malia:
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life, divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
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