“Batter, batter, batter!” No not cake batter, but baseball! Remember when you were first trying out sex and there were four bases. So maybe you’re on deck or maybe you’re on base. Either way, once you’ve run those bases as a younger woman, we forget that once there were stages, zones or even delays between getting up to bat and getting a home run.
A League of Their Own - Batter Up!
The same thing hold true for dating. If you want to slow down the dating experience then there are a few things you can do.
- Do not jump into bed and have sex. That will really slow things down. Believe me.
- Decide that going from dating to mating is a process. Processes usually take time.
- Stop trying to figure out if that gay girl is your next mate on a first date. Relax and breathe!
- Think of dating as a four bases game.
What’s that mean you ask? Well let me tell you.
Dating is about having fun AND getting to know someone. When you start out dating it should be about fun and being casual. Stop setting yourself up for disappointment or setting up too high expectations.
Stage 1 of dating is about having fun and getting to know someone. And remember if you want to go slow, stay the hell out of bed.
Stage 2 is about becoming exclusive – we’re not going to see anyone else. I really like you and I want to focus on getting to know you better. This shouldn’t happen on a first, second or third date. It shouldn’t happen for about three months (and a good way to celebrate is to have sex!.) Oh and why three months. I’ve seen it over and over, couples become couples after one or two dates and then break up by month three. Think about it. I’m right.
Stage 3 is about pre-commitment. Think of it as an engagement period. You’ve decided that this woman is for you. You love her and you want to be with her forever. During pre-commitment you’re working out what its going to be like when you do live together. OMG, did I say that? You’re still not living together. Yes, I did say that.
Stage 4 – commitment! You’re living together, having great sex, maybe you live somewhere you can marry and you’re settling down baby!
Are you shaking your head and wondering how is it even possible to wait that long for sex or to make a binding commitment. Well for many gay girls it’s near impossible to wait. So that’s why we see our friends breaking up so often and that’s why you are breaking up so often. You move too fast. And if it’s the woman you are dating who is moving too fast is because it’s all she knows. Help her out and tell her you’ve set some boundaries around how you date. And you don’t want your world or your heart blown up. That’s a good thing!
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Mary. My response to your blog. I obsess with making myself more attractive so women notice me. It means I focus on self care, keeping a positive attitude, even through hard times, and helping others either through my job or by volunteering my time and skills. At this period in my life I am trying to be more introspective by identifying what my feelings and desires are and discovering what it is that I want. For over 25 years I have worked in agencies that required me to abide by confidentiality laws and maintaining professional boundaries with everyone. The unintended consequence of abiding by those strict rules is that I carried those rules into my personal life. So for example, I would not go home and talk about work. I could never discuss clients with family or friends. Every thing was confidential. Also, since I was mindful of boundary issues, I would avoid getting tangled up with other people’s problems. I listened to my friends issues, my neighbor’s issues, my coworkers issues, the dogs, the hair dresser’s issues, literally everyone’s issues but my own. I avoided any drama in my life because I would not have the will to work on the crises. I realize just how immature I am going to be in dating, loving, and in sexual relationships with my girlfriend(s). I may be immature but at the same time, I am not passively waiting for a beautiful woman to ask me for a date. I am not passively waiting for my soul mate to drop on my lap. And, I definitely am not waiting for any woman to validate my self worth. I will do the pursuing if I see a woman who is beautiful and interesting. I will make lots of mistakes. If I get rejected by a woman all I can say is “Oh well.” Yes, I will be hurt, depressed, and humiliated, but I have a time line for self pity. Several months ago when I was going through my personal crisis I could literally see my dopamine levels drop through the floor. Thank you gaygirldatingcoach.com for assisting me in this crisis. You helped me understand the nuances of lesbian relationships. This was my first real drama in my life and that is one reason why I was caught off guard. It put me on notice just how naive I was. Thank you gaygirldatingcoach.com for providing me with crash courses on how to grow up fast in the lesbian world! During this experience, I allowed myself to go through the stages of grief with the understanding I am not going to allow myself to get “stuck” in any stage, but that I would move on. There are tons of beautiful and interesting woman to choose from so why would I allow my experience with this one woman over shadow that? I am scared to go on my first date because I know I will say some thing stupid like, “Hey sweetheart where have you been all of my life” or, “Do you wanna walk into the sunset.” I am afraid I would come across as a freak! I would also be thrilled to death if a woman asked me for a date. To me the optimal date is for both of us to give our best in the time we have together. Keeping dates simple is very attractive. Have a blessed day.